There is nothing that warms my heart more than someone mangling a metaphor during a boring work meeting. It’s the verbal equivalent of slapstick comedy. It’s a sudden and unexpected fail, usually involving a very serious and maybe slightly pompous speaker getting tangled up in fancy rhetorical footwork they clearly were not ready to take on.

The List

We’ll burn that bridge when we get to it.
It’s not rocket surgery.
Does the pope shit in the woods?
It will be a walk in the cake.
For all intensive purposes,…
If you can’t take the heat, spoil the soup.
We will jump off that bridge when we get to it.
You’ve got the tiger by the horns.
Up shit creek without a paddle.
Time wounds all heals.
The cows are coming home to roost.
Does a bear wear a funny hat?
You gotta take the balls by the horn.
Cut me some slacks!
That train has sailed.
The ship has left the station.
That’s a slippery door to open.
Flying by the seat of their tail.
Six of tom-ay-to, half a dozen of tom-ah-to.
You have to just roll with the flow.
Squeeze the lemon till the milk runs dry.
Catch two tigers with one toe.
I’m going to milk that lemon for all its worth.
Half of one, six dozen of another.
You don’t miss your water till hell freezes over.
Don’t count your horses before they hatch.
You’re counting your chickens before the cart.
Straight from the horse’s ass.
It’s more fun than shooting monkeys in a barrel.
You nailed it out of the park.
You gotta reap just what you saw.
You really pulled a rabbit out of your ass.